A Purim Newsletter 2022/5782

The Kol Hadash Shofar – Purim Edition
Volume 1, Number 0 – Adar III, 1776

Howdy Doody from Rabbi Sholem


A college professor under whom I studied once said, “La lluvia en España se calle principalmente en la pampa.” Why this was said in a Hebrew class I never understood. The veracity of a discourse is hardly ever correlated to its ur-context. One may employ any variety of metaphor, synecdoche, or ellipses to convey ambiguity, fluidity of meaning, or even internalized ambivalence concerning the ultimate public value of one’s utterance, but in the final analysis the sincerity of one’s pronouncement hinges on the inner conviction undergirding it. Or, as they say in Yiddish, mekka lekka hi mekka hiney hiney ho.

This passage from the secret symbolic esoteric Kabbalah text Sefer Sherwin also sheds some light on the subject:

The first words, “Ayfo Oree – where is my light”, are an indication of humanity’s indeterminacy – we do not even have the inspiration necessary to find illumination, let alone enlightenment. Meanwhile, the resolution’s anonymous object “v’gam bakh – and in you” indicates the ultimate significance of the unmoved observer who has not yet engaged in dialogue with dialogue itself.

Perhaps the most precise rendering of this conceptual framework is the French saying, “un voyage de mille pas commence par l’enlèvement des déchets – a journey of a thousand steps begins by taking out the trash.” In other words, cut the crap and say what you believe!

Adult Education: Tuesday, 9:45 PM, 25th of Adar III, 57747593.4
The Three Most Obscure Rabbis in the Talmud: Rabbi Hoo-hoo, Rabbi Ha-Ha and Rabbi Shmuel Hershel ben Yerocham Laybl Fitzpatrick

You may have thought your Jewish education was complete with knowing how to make latkes for Rosh Hashana. But you have just scratched the surface of obscure Jewish trivia. Why pay attention to the most important, inspirational or often-cited authorities when you can learn practically nothing from the rabbinic version of a one-hit wonder? It took Rabbi Chalom three months just to find these guys, so it better have been worth it.

Shabbat: Saturday, 16th of Chutzpah, 7:17 AM, 314159
Humans Are, Like, Awesome!
We are the best species ever! We can do just about anything, have done just about anything, and we rule the planet by virtue of our big brains and bigger guns, germs and steel. Join us for a rip-roaring pep rally to the awesomeness that we are — it doesn’t get more Humanistic than this!

Committee Committee Meeting: April 1, 7:30 PM
The Committee Committee will hold its annual meeting to execute its annual task of forming another committee. Pursuant to our bylaws, section 249, paragraph 17, “No congregational year shall pass without the formation of at least one (1) new committee.” Under consideration for this year: Shabbat Attendance-Monitors Committee; Sunday Bagel Shleppers Committee; Whiners Committee; No-Guilt-Gelt-Getters Committee.



About Rabbi Adam Chalom

Adam Chalom is the Rabbi of Kol Hadash Humanistic Congregation in north suburban Chicago. He is also the Dean for North America of the International Institute for Secular Humanistic Judaism.
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